1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a
A: Gifted !
2. Q: How do blonde brain cells die ?
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain
4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde ?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies
their hair brunette ?
A: Artificial intelligence.
6. Q: How does a blonde part her hair ?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together !
8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to
the left leg ?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a
A: After a dye job.
11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window
seat on the plane ?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up ?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's
greatest achievement ?
A: An IN-body experience !
15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle ?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood
footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common ?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery
A: Humpme Dumpme.
18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Q: Why should blondes not be given
coffee breaks ?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been
using the computer ?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer ?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
22. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and a computer ?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer
have in common ?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get her soap.
25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads ?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno !
26. Q: How do you kill a blonde ?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears ?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jell-O ?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a
dollar on the top of her head ?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles ?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas ?
A: They can't find the zipper.
32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings ?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop
A: To put their feet through.
34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her
ears to make her more attractive ?
A: Her ankles.
35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick ?
A: Because red means stop.
36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick ?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been
in your refrigerator ?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators ?
A: They chip their teeth.
39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear ?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay ?
A: Remove their underwear.
41. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco
wear short black mini skirts ?
A: Cause their balls show!
42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk !"
44. Q: What's the mating call of the
A: "All the blondes have gone home !"
45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs ?
A: Because they can spell it.
47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST --
Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde ?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their
A: Toes Go In First.
50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their
A: Tits Go In Front.
51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a
blonde on either side ?
A: An interpreter.
52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two
A: A mental block.
53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind ?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that
won't give in ?
A: "Have another beer."
55. Q: What do blondes do with their ass
holes in the morning ?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does
in the morning ?
A1: Introduces themselves.
A2: Walks home.
57. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in
the morning ?
58. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs ?
59. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does
after sex ?
A: Opens the car door.
60. Q: How do blondes turn the light on
after sex ?
A: Kick open the car door.
61. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering ?
A: More head room.
62. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with
A: More leg room.
63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex
with a blonde ?
A: Bucket seats.
64. Q: What do blondes say after sex ?
A1: "Thanks, Guys !"
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band ?"
A3: Do you guys all play for the <team name>?
65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob ?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
66. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
67. Q: What important question does a blonde
ask her mate before having sex ?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate ?
68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble
achieving orgasm ?
A: Who cares ?
69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !
70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches
A1: She drops her nail-file !
A2: Who cares ?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares ?
A7: The batteries have run out.
71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow
in their ear ?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows
in another blonde's ear ?
A: Data transfer.
73. Q: Why do blondes use tampons with extra
long strings ?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to
the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun ?
A: Because they don't know any better.
77. Q: How many blondes does it take to
change a light bulb ?
A1: "What's a light bulb ?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daddy !"
78. Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine ?
A: "Daddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
79. Q: What do you call a basement full of
A: A wine cellar.
80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes ?
81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes ?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
82. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747
have in common ?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
83. Q: What is the difference between a
blonde and a 747 ?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
84. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and a limousine ?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.
85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine ?
86. Q: What did the blonde say when she
found out she was pregnant ?
A: "Are you sure it's mine ?"
87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing
ear to ear ?
A: A wind tunnel.
88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a
A: A dope ring.
89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb
blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill.Who picks
it up ?
A1: The dumb blonde ! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass
A: To see what was on the other side.
91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a
hand grenade at you ?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill ?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the
A: Because it kept falling out.
94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed
off a building, who hits the ground first ?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets
Alzheimer's disease ?
A: Her IQ goes up!
97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana
and a blonde ?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
98. Q: What is the difference between a
blonde and a Porsche ?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
99. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and a toothbrush ?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
100. Q: What is the difference between cold
butter and a blonde ?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde
have in common ?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
103. Q: What is the difference between a
blonde and "The Titanic" ?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
104. Q: What is the difference between a
smart blonde and Bigfoot ?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
105. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and a telephone ?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
106. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and a guy ?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
107. Q: What is the difference between a
blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York ?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
108. Q: Why is a washing machine better than
a blonde ?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
109. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde
have in common ?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle
have in common ?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have
in common ?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
113. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a
A: So she could lip read.
114. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black
men have in common ?
A: They both have black roots.
115. Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag
of sugar on her head ?
A: Sweet Fuck All...
116. Q: How do you drown a blonde ?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
117. Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
118. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs ?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
119. Q: How many blondes does it take to
make chocolate-chip cookies ?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
120. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her
before the blonde's date ?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
122. Q: What's the blonde's cheer ?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well... I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
123. Q: What does a blonde get when you
offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts ?
124. Q: How does a blonde moon walk ?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor !
125. Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex !
126. Q: What do you get when you cross a
blonde and a gorilla ?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
127. Q: Why does a blonde only change her
baby's diapers every month ?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the
A: She threw it off a cliff.
129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish ?
A: She drowns it.
130. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited
after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months ?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no
arms and no legs ?
A: "Nice tits !"
132. Q: How does a blonde high-5 ?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
134. Q: Why aren't there many blonde
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
135. Q: Why do blondes have legs ?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
136. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to
Norway and then turn around and come home ?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a television.
137. Q: What is the irritating part around a
blonde's vagina ?
A1: The blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
138. Q: How do you describe a blonde,
surrounded by drooling idiots ?
139. Q: Why do blondes always die before
help arrives ?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
140. Q: What did the blonde say when asked
if she'd ever been picked up by "the fuzz" ?
A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."
141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool
full of blondes ?
A: Frosted Flakes.
142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a
A: Frosted Flakes.
143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9 ?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
144. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde having her period and a terrorist ?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
145. Q: What did the blonde say when she
looked into a box of Cheerios ?
A: "Oh look ! Donut seeds !"
146. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain
cells than a cow ?
A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed ?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde
A: She kept having affairs with men !
149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in
A: To cover up the valve stem.
150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet
151. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing
inside a blonde's head ?
A: A Space Invader.
152. Q: What's a blondes' favorite rock
A: Air Supply.
153. Q: What do you see when you look into a
blonde's eyes ?
A: The back of her head.
154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's ?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE !
155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on
Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
156. Q: Why did God create blondes ?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes ?
A: Neither could the blondes.
157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree
with a brief case ?
A: Branch Manager.
158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her
leg raking leaves ?
A: She fell out of the tree.
159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through
lunch box lids ?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
160. Q: what's black and fuzzy and hangs
from the ceiling ?
A: A blonde electrician.
161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short ?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children !
163. Q: What do you call a smart blonde ?
A1: A Labrador.
A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
164. Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
165. Q: Why do blondes have periods ?
A: They deserve them.
166. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a
A: Because she gave blow-jobs, literally.
167. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she
walked the marriage aisle ?
A: She realized she gave her last blow job.
168. Q: What did the blonde do when she got
her period ?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her ?
169. Q: Why did they call the blonde
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
170. Q: What did the blonde say to the
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait ?"
171. Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
172. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor ?
A: By the ears.
173. Q: How do you know when a blonde has
been making chocolate chip cookies ?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
174. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy ?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
175. Q: What job function does a blonde have
in an M&M factory ?
176. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired
from the M&M factory ?
A: For throwing out the W's.
177. Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a
police car ?
A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
178. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton
in the closet ?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
179. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant ?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
180. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies ?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.
181. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and the Suez/ Panama Canal ?
A: One's a busy ditch the other is a dissy bitch.
182. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and a toilet ?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
183. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and a rooster ?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
184. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and a supermarket trolley ?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
185. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and your job ?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
186. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and a trampoline ?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
187. Q: What's the difference between a
prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde ?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet ?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already ?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you ?
A: "Is it mine ?"
189. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde
behind a steering wheel ?
A: An air bag.
190. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on
the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car ?
A: Cause she blows the horn !
191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask
her if her blinker is on ?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the
A: To turn the blinker off.
193. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM,
SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH ?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
194. Q: What is happening when you hear
varoom...screech, varoom...screech, varoom...screech..... ?
A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a flashing red light.
195. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip
code on her stomach ?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
196. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple
that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater ?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
197. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
198. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
199. Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech
A: She can't say "No".
200. Q: What did they name the offspring of
a blonde and a Puerto Rican ?
201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an
institution of higher learning ?
A: A visitor.
202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on
her ears ?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works
in an office ?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
204. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for
a blonde ?
206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
207. Q: Why did the blonde take her
typewriter to the doctor ?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde
in the head ?
A: When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it !
209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of
a gas station ?
A: The Air Pump !
210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear !
211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she
got her Driver's License ?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road ?
R: I don't know.
A: Neither did she.
214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who
shot an arrow into the air ?
A: She missed.
215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
216. A blonde was driving down the highway
to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking
for a minute, he said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
217. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.
218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where ?"
219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after
she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going ?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was
driving down a motor way.
"Miss, may I see your driver's license please ?"
"Driver's license ? What's that ?..."
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
"May I have your car insurance ?"
"What's that ?..."
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this ? Duh ! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims:
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test !"
221. Hubby: As a start I think you should
learn to "iron", then we could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.
222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row !
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god ! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
223. Three blondes are attempting to change
a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb ?
Operator: The power in the house in on ?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on ?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up ?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem ?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
224. What about the blond guy whose wife
gave birth to twins ?
He wanted to know who the other man was...
225. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it ! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on !" So she swam back.
226. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink ?"
227. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
228. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."
229. Two blondes observed in a parking lot
trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked !
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down !
230. A blonde was walking along, when she
looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was
directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've
hit me right in the face !!!"
Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."
231. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son ?" said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" "That's interesting... What made you say that ?" said Saint Peter Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
232. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug" ? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia...
233. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
234. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went
into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C ?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T ?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15 ?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
235. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.
236. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."
237. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served - just today"
238. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
239. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size
of a pea in the morning ?
A: It swells at night.
240. Q: A blonde is walking down the street
with a pig under her arm.
She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that ?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
241. Q: Why do blondes like lightning ?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
242. Q: Why don't blondes make good
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
243. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes
A: She has a checkbook.
244. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been
sent to a blonde ?
A: There is a stamp on it.
245. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple
on their chin and a flat forehead ?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it !
246. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the
clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
247. Q: What's the difference between a pit
bull and a blonde with PMS ?
248. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all
over their faces ?
A: From eating with forks.
249. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread
marks on her back ?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
250. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex ?
A: Locking the car door.
251. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat
hanger in her back seat ?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
252. Q: What do you call a hooker and four
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
253. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
254. Q: Why do blondes have more fun ?
A: Because they don't know any better.
A: They are easier to keep amused.
255. Q: What did the blonde do when she
heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home ?
A: She moved.
256. Q: Why did the blonde scale the
chain-link fence ?
A: To see what was on the other side.
257. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.
258. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ
of forty ?
A: A blonde parade.
259. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk
A: The cow fell on her.
260. Q: Why did they stop doing the
"WAVE" at BYU ?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
261. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes ?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
262. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a
good cook ?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
263. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes
with PMS over to Iraq ?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
264. Q: What does a blonde owl say ?
A: What, what ?
265. Q: What do you call 25 blondes on top
of each other ?
A: An air mattress.
266. Q: What do you call five blondes at the
bottom of the pool ?
A: Air bubbles.
267. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
268. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose ?
A: Bobbing for French fries.
269. Q: Why do blondes have see-through
lunch box lids ?
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
270. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who
tried to blow up her husband's car ?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
271. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's
A: A brain tumor.
272. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up' ?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
273 Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes
with yeast infections ?
A: A wine and cheese party!
A2:It's a room full of women, half have PMS, the others have yeast infections.
274. Q: What do you get when you turn 3
blondes upside-down ?
A: Two brunettes.
275. Did you hear about the blonde who...
...had more on her body than on her mind ?
...was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean ?
...took an hour to cook Minute Rice ?
...got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up ?
...was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient ?
...had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs ?
...thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates ?
...was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat ?
...after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls ?
...went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker ?
...brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam ?
276. There were three women who were at the
gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what
position was the baby conceived ?" "He was on top ", she replied. "You
will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
"What's the matter ?" asked the Doc..
"I going to have puppies.".....
277. Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp,
and another blonde standing on a street corner ?
A: 4 fucks, 4 fucks, 4 fucks, not for a zillion fucks, 4 fucks !
278. Q: What's the difference between a
blond and a shopping cart.
A: A shopping cart has a mind of it's own.
279. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian ?
A: A waste.
280. Q: How would a blond punctuate the
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry !
They take a lickin', and keep on...
282. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in
the freezer ?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold !
283. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road ?
A: Never mind that ! What was she doing out of the bedroom ?! ?
284. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
285. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears ?
286. Q: What do a blonde and President
Gorbachev have in common ?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
287. Q: What's the difference between a
blonde and President Gorbachev ?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
288. Q: How do you describe the perfect
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
289. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on
A: An air mattress.
290. Q: How do you confuse a blonde ?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
291. Q: What is the definition of the
perfect woman ?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.